I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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