We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
