Screwed.edu
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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