I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
