I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
