I just gift wrapped bread.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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