Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
