That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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