I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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