I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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