I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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