I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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