my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
