Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
