I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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