I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
