We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
