Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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