I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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