So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize