I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
