hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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