I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
