Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
