The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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