bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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