Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize