i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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