The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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