Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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