party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
