I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
