i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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