how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize