ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
