I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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