went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
high people should be assigned attendants
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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