You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
