wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
