saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're not piercing ourselves today.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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