Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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