this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
