This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
