I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
