I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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