Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He has the fingertips of a God
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