i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
