Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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