I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
