he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
