Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
