I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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