My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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