I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
