A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
