I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish I only lived at night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
