I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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