I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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