Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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