is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
