oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
