I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
