There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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