I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
