That's intense
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
