This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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