If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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